Adversity Challenge #2
Throughout the past two weeks, my Hustle & Grit professor challenged my class to perform a series of challenges that would push us outside of our comfort zones and force us to confront failure head on. Below are some of the key learnings from the experience and some videos and pictures of a few of the challenges I completed.
Key Learning Points:
If you don’t try, then the answer will always be no
One of the most important lessons I learned from this challenge is that if you do not try, the result is the same as trying and failing. The only difference is that if you don’t try, you will always be left wondering “what if”. What if I had tried? What if the answer had been yes? What if I just gave up on a great opportunity?
Several times throughout my life I have been too nervous to ask or try something due to the fear of failing. I built up failure to be this big monster — the worst-case scenario. Through much reflection however, I have discovered that regret is the real monster, a large and long-lasting one, while failure is simply an ominous shadow — seemingly daunting, but nothing to really be afraid of. It takes practice and perspective, but overtime I think I have come to realize which is truly the greater danger (and it’s not failure).
Within this challenge, an activity that exemplified this learning was asking for a discount randomly before purchasing something. Before buying a bubble tea, I asked the cashier if I could get a discount. He hesitated for a while, and then asked if I was an employee of the mall. In good faith, I admitted that I was not, and he unfortunately declined to give me a discount. I then asked if there was a discount for students, an idea which suddenly appeared. Unfortunately, I was rejected for a second time. I purchased my bubble tea at full price and went on my way. While I did not receive a discount, I did get practice being rejected twice and I came up with the idea to ask for student discounts throughout the rest of my shopping trip, thus learning something I would not have, had I not tried. This brings me to my second learning point. There are also lessons in failure. While it may not be the outcome you were hoping for, there is always something you can take away, whether it be feedback on how to improve, or what the criteria is for success — in this case, it was being a mall employee. An advantage can always be found in putting yourself out there and trying.
Video of me trying to get a discount at a Bubble Tea joint: https://youtu.be/7RGmkDkDK9U
Embarrassment is Internally Controlled
Another very important learning from this challenge is that embarrassment is only an emotion and that you have the power to control it. I have learned that I am not good at controlling it but that it is within the range of my capabilities.
The two challenges that led me to this conclusion were: trying to return a candle at Bikini Village and trying to purchase something that was not for sale. I was extremely embarrassed to do these challenges as to my detriment, I highly value other people’s perceptions of me.
When trying to complete this challenge I backed out several times. I went into a clothing store with the intention of returning the candle and ended up casually talking to the manager for a while. By the end of our 10-minute conversation I felt we had built a rapport and didn’t want to embarrass myself in front of her therefore left the store without trying. After entering three different stores and backing out each time, my partner Walid told me I had to get it over with and “rip the Band-aid off”. When I explained my fear about being thought of as “stupid” or being made fun of, he re-iterated that I would never see these people again and that in the worst-case scenario, it would be a funny story told around the dinner table. These consequences seemed endurable and thus I worked up the courage to try and return a candle to a bathing suit store. Although it did not work, I did momentarily overcome my fear of embarrassing myself in front of someone else.
A tactic that I will certainly implement in the future is evaluating the worst-case scenario of a situation and asking myself if it is inconsequential. If it is, then I will push myself to go for it and bring in moral support if need be. Having someone to keep me both accountable and motivated made a significant difference in accomplishing this task which I think is a valuable technique to incorporate for future risks I take. I also liked the idea mentioned in class about having a peer support group who is either currently going through or has gone through a similar failure. For bigger failures in my life, I think having this support group will be of great value as I find comfort knowing that I am not the only person who has failed or embarrassed themselves in some way.
Video of me trying to buy something not for sale: https://youtu.be/B1Knju0SzTw
Video of me asking for an item not on the menu: https://youtu.be/oCSim7pTUbw
Video of me trying to return something that I didn’t buy at the store: https://youtu.be/zJcvwGhm1eg
People are just people
Another key takeaway which seems painfully obvious but isn’t, is that people (famous, accomplished or otherwise) are still just people. I have always had a mental block when reaching out to others who are more successful than I, worrying that they will be annoyed and that it is a waste of time to even bother trying.
By being forced to reach out to two very successful people, AOC and Cynthia Garneau (The CEO of VIA Rail) I was able to overcome this mental block. This method of guided mastery worked extremely well as I was pressured to encounter my fear face on, ultimately making it easier in the future. In order to get started, I began by framing the situation to myself by pondering what it would be like if the roles were reversed. I realized that if I were someone with that status, I would be honoured to have others reaching out to me for advice. Although not comparable, at this stage in my life I have many HBA1s reaching out to me asking for advice regarding recruiting and networking and I am always humbled and very happy to help. Even if the successful people don’t necessarily have the time to respond, I realized they likely would take my message as a compliment and that there is no need to stop myself from at least reaching out.
While AOC was a far stretch, I also reached out to Cynthia Garneau. I am currently collecting research for a Think Tank at Western University and am looking for primary research regarding Via Rail. Originally, I only reached out to lower ranking Via Rail employees, however, this project motivated me to aim higher and reach out to the CEO herself. To my surprise, she took the time and answered. This further proved my point that you have nothing to lose by trying and that as my professor said, life rewards those who take risks.
Failure doesn’t define you
If I had to have one key takeaway from this challenge, it is that failure does not define you. Growing up, there were so many opportunities I did not take (ie. running for class president, running for the USC, trying out for the Ivey Case Competition Club etc.) due to the fear of failure and what it would do to other people’s perception of me.I now see that if I had tried and failed, it would not have mattered to anyone but myself and that I am not defined by this failure. If anything, being brave enough to reach for your goals speaks more to someone’s identity than the failure of not accomplishing them does. Although I still have a long way to go in terms of building the self-confidence and dedication needed to take great risks, I feel as though this challenge has allowed me to start gathering the building blocks needed to take those risks and face failure head on.
Conclusion
By being forced to step outside of my comfort zone and encounter failure, this challenge has helped me to understand that:
1) You won’t always fail where you think you will
2)Even if you do fail, no one really cares but you
3)You’re better off failing than having never tried
This adversity challenge has honestly motivated me to try and push myself outside of my comfort zone in the future. Because these key learnings and experiences are fresh, I have also set a goal for myself within the holidays to keep up my momentum. I have decided to reach out to three successful businesspeople to inquire about having them as a mentor — something I would never have done previously due to my fear of failure. I hope to keep this mindset moving forwards and continuously push myself to grow, take on new challenges and not be hindered by the possibility of encountering failure along the way.
Bingo Sheet:
